My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
