I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know her cup size but not her name....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize