she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
