how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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