As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Randomize
