I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
