Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
