Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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