I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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