dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just found puke in my bra..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
