I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
