I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
