No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We're too hungover to prance.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
