Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
