White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
