you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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