how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
