those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
