This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
