she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
