Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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