don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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