i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Randomize
