so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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