All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
