im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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