when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
