i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
