So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
how drunk are you?
Several
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
