Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
