I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
