listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
