so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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