sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
