If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
