okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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