I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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