I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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