Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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