Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
