dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
