Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
