id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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