all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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