i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
