now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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