I CAN MOONWALK!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my shit smells like andre
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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