I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
