Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My penis needs a shock collar
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
