So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
