where am i from again
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
