Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
