I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Acid is not a monday night drug
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Everyone says I win the strip club
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
