grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize