Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
