The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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