Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
