you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
