Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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