He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
