Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
