I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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