i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
