if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
