i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i've created a new STD.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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