Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
