My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
