Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
