True but thats because hes a fetus.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
