Jerry, you need to find god
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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