just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
