Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
