If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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