Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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