In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
