Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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