the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
