I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
