I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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