I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
