I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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