it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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