Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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