yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
