Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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