Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize