Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
