Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
