Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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