You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
