I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize