Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You ruined the universe
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