cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
