Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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