It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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