just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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