My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
