my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
