Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
