I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
