Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
