well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I touched a dick in church today
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
