remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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