I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
