Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
