come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
