Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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