SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it hurts more in the daytime
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
