You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize