Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
