it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
