Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
