where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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