ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize