my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
