Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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