i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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