WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
